9dp3dt

So this morning I took my 6th HPT.  I bought 10 and had one left over, so I decided to spend 11 days testing.  I thought that if I saw a series of "expected" BFNs then I wouldn't get so emotional about not ever seeing a BFP.  Well, that theory is just supid!  I got my 6th BFN today and I already had an arguement with my DH this morning about how we were going to finance another fresh cycle.  I've spent the entire morning researching fertility clinics (I plan to change, if needed) and "moving on".  I guess today was the day of absolute for me.  I got my BFP with my son at 9dp3dt and therefore, that is the measurement.  I realize that every pregnancy is different and I've come down a little this afternoon, maybe its not over... yet!  I have rationalized some crazy senerios in my mind today (an infertile woman in the 2ww is just not mentally well, no matter how they appear).  I figured that since the embryos lost some cells, they may take an extra day or two to kick in and get it together, therefore, of course, an extra day or two to implant. 

Speaking of implantation, I woke up, out of a sound sleep in the middle of the night last night, with the WORST cramp ever!!!  I honestly felt nauseous and had to sit up and double over.  I actually grabbed the phone (no, not my DH soundly sleeping next to me) to call my sister (an L & D nurse) to see if I should go to the hospital.  I had that "something is very wrong" feeling.  It lasted about 3-4 minutes and got a little better when I walked down the hall.  Then it left and I went back to sleep.  Could it be implantation?  Is it too late for that?  Of course not, I can make up any story I want until the beta comes back... right?

So my obsession with POAS may be over.  I'm not sure I can handle it.  Interestingly, I have to work tonight (7p-7a) for the first time, so my FMU won't really be until tomorrow afternoon when I wake up.  I may chicken out by then.  I know I can't wait until the phone call with my beta results and I do still have a slew of HPT's left, but I may just wait until Monday AM before my beta.  Its a choice between blissfully ignorant and knowledgably prepared, not sure where I stand.