A little bit pregnant

The old saying goes that you cannot be "a little bit pregnant", you either are, or you are not.  In this situation, I would have to argue that point.  I feel "a little bit pregnant".  I do not feel like I can fully let myself be pregnant, but I have blood work to the contrary.  We went to visit my MIL this past weekend out of state and my husband couldn't decide if he wanted to be able to tell her in person, or wait until 'real' confirmation with the u/s.  He decided we would tell her that we were 'probably' pregnant, but we needed to wait until 8/12 to find out for sure.  She, surprisingly, was okay with that explanation.  I felt like we were telling her we were 'a little bit pregnant'. 

This last week has sludged by, and I expect the next week will be no different.  At first I found that I had to remind myself that I was pregnant.  I used to say things in my head like, "maybe I shouldn't do that, just in case I'm pregnant" (like stand too close to the x-ray machine).  I still found myself doing that, then moments later, it occured to me that I actually am pregnant.  Now I'm buying in a little at a time and hope that I don't dig myself deeper if there is disappointment.  I've actually started to think about trimesters, what equipment I may need, and I actually sat down and counted out when my maternity leave would be.  Its dangerous, but as each day passes, it gets harder to ignore it.

Infertility is nothing if its not waiting!