Perfection (or lack thereof)

I consider myself a perfectionist.  I don't remember being this way when I was younger, but I have definitely become a relentless perfectionist at almost everything, getting worse with age.  I had to convince myself that B's were okay in graduate school (well almost convinced myself :)) and I try to remind myself that I am not perfect and neither should things be in my life.  I suppose perfection comes from my need to control, and my need to control comes from my emotional inability to handle disappointment well. 

So, as with everything else, I want this cycle to be perfect.  My standard of perfect is correlating to my son's IVF cycle or what the cookie cutter expectations are for IVF cycles (follicle number, growth, and E2).  This cycle has fallen off of the "perfect" path.  This cycle is by no means a failure and by no means at risk of canceling, but its just not going, well, perfect.  I had another u/s and BW today.  The u/s showed my lining looked great, but the follicles did not measure what they expected.  By today they would have expected my follicles to be at least 18mm and ready for retrieval.  I had 6 that they measured and they ranged from 12-17mm.  They gave me meds to take today (remember, I ran out yesterday - b/c I *should* be ready today) and I go back tomorrow.  Hopefully things look more promising tomorrow.  All of this makes me nervous about how many they'll actually retrieve that are mature.  I know they told me to expect to only get a handful based on my AMH, but I'm still a little in denial about that information (probably pointing back to the perfection thing).

I keep reminding myself that I am not in control of this, at all, and in the end, it only takes 1 to make a baby.