7dp5dt

Its 7dp5dt, which is the same day I got a BFP for my son (9dp3dt).  I've thought a lot about today, about testing, about how this day felt for my DS's cycle.  DH and I still haven't decided for sure what we'll do to find out.  I guess that means I'm not as anxious as I thought I was, or it just means I'm in denial that this cycle will be over in a few days.  I'm either going to be pregnant or not, but for now, I'm neither and that's safe. 

I've pictured myself after my beta with either result.  Neither is actually easy to envision.  I think that being pregnant sounds so far off, yet not being pregnant seems overwhelmingly sad.  I know I'll be excited (without question) if I'm pregnant, but I honestly cannot wrap my head around that thought.  I think back to my son's cycle and I was naive thinking it would work and not really expecting that it wouldn't.  Same with my first FET.  The second FET, I was more apprhensive and more realistic to the possiblities.  This cycle, I just don't know how I feel.  All signs are positive, but I just can't get excited.

I'm staying peaceful and hopeful, only a few days left.  God, please carry me the distance!