Torture

My body is just torturing me!  I have, and probably forever will, hold out hope every month that by some miracle I naturally got pregnant.  I begin to analyze each little symptom about a week before AF is due.  A little history, I have chronic spotting and so it usually starts about 1 week before AF and gradually gets heavier.  I usually have some cramps, which are mostly manageable prior to AF.  All of this being fairly typical PMS stuff.  There have been several months that I have had really light spotting and AF will run a little late (maybe 12 -24 hrs), and my hopes begin to soar, I usually take a HPT (and AF usually starts as I'm waiting for the test lines to appear!) and once its negative, I move on, AF comes, cycle begins again (mentally and physically).  Well this cycle I was due for AF yesterday.  I have yet to have a single symptom.  No spotting (not even a hint) and no cramping.  Of course I patiently waited until this morning to do a HPT, trying to stay grounded with realistic hopes, but, as the title would imply, it was negative.  So, I'm convinced my body is just trying to torture me.  I'm sure its a rebound from all the FET meds, but this has not happened before following a medicated cycle.  I guess I am again reminded that this is all far beyond my control.