Some days are better than others

Today is one of those days that is not as good as others. I had a long distance friend email me and subtly ask if there was any "exciting baby news" going on my way. She knows we did IVF for my son and knows we were wanting to try for #2 last year, so she knows the potential for that being a loaded question. I didn't mind sharing my journey so far, I know she genuinely cares. I realized that whenever I share the failed FET story with someone, I usually throw in a comment about my son being an only child and how blessed we are to have a wonderful kid like him. That's when the water works start (like now!). I am so sad to think about only having one child to love in this world. This is not at all how I envisioned my life. If you asked me when I was 20 years old, I would have told you I wanted 10 children. It slimmed down over the years proportionate to age, finances, and energy. But getting married and settling into life together, my DH and I knew we would have children, more than one, possibly four. I am happy with my son, he's perfect in every way, and honestly, I'm not sure how any other child could come close to comparing, but yet, I'm still sad. I realize that there may come a point (soon) that I'm faced with difficult decisions: gamble money on another IVF, pour money into an adoption, or live with my one perfect son. I just find it hard to see the justice in those decisions. So today is just one of those days.