This week has been particularly "emotional". Not even so much about the infertility (although I have shed plenty of tears over that too), but everything seems to be getting me down. I did my third Lupron shot a few days ago and maybe that has something to do with things. I have been feeling relatively okay on Lupron. I have frequent hot flashes some days, but they typically only last 1-2 minutes and they pass. I do seem to have a least one each night, which I end up waking up to rip covers off or sometimes clothes, only to be freezing 30 minutes later. I've had a couple of headaches, but nothing OTC meds didn't take care of. I didn't even get a hint of my period this month, so that's a plus!
So, "no more baby" refers to the fact that my "baby" boy turns 4 years old tomorrow. He's definitely not a baby any longer. He decided to give up his pacifier the other night. I am very grateful (he was too old to have it, even if it was just at night), but that just closes that sweet little baby chapter of his life. I have sung "Baby Mine" to him religiously before he goes to bed every night for 4 years now and since giving up the paci, he has specifically requested another quirky song to substitute. I think its because it reminds him too much of his pacifier. In past attempts to give it up he has buckled when I start to sing to him. This just saddens me so much to lose that little baby time with him. I'm just reminded so much more how much I want a baby in my life. I have been frantically trying to hold on to as much of my son's baby-ness once we were faced with the reality that we could possibly continue to be infertile. I've also been trying to consciously try to avoid ruining him by babying him too much though, so I battle with this emotionally all the time.
If I could only freeze time to make my beautiful boy stay as small and sweet as he is right now, but I can't. Bottom line is that he's getting big, growing up, and there simply is no more baby.
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